Tanya's Story
I first met Tanya at the Children’s Home in Ilinka. It was 1997. She was a girl of seven years, I would say - always ready for an attack, ready to protect her
self. Likewise, the child was always on guard, anticipating offense, and as result her character often showed aggression and roughness. She was often melancholy, and never answered when I asked why. Then something happened which made me understand her behavior.
Once she came running to me late at night, tear-streaked and dirty, and told me that at supper she did not wish to eat a tasteless, cold porridge and the caregiver, as punishment, had smeared the porridge into her hair with a spoon. On her head I actually found the remains of her supper. Such an educational measure plunged me into shock!!! It is difficult to picture a loving mother who would smear a child’s head with porridge only because she did not wish to eat. I calmed Tanya as best I could and next day went to speak with the director. It is my deep belief in life that it’s not right to hurt children’s feelings only because they don’t have a mom and dad to defend them. And I also very much wanted the woman who had so offended Tanya to understand that the children at the orphanage had a person to help them with their troubles. That woman has not worked at the orphanage for a long time, but I still remember this case.
On Saturdays my daughter Vicky and I taught the children English, sang nursery songs with them, t
aught poetry, read bible stories, celebrated birthdays, Christmas, etc. During these activities Tanya was another child - clever, quick-witted, cheerful, with a very good memory and very grateful when Vicky praised her for being good or for knowing a right answer. She always sat down in the first row and listened to everything with interest.
One time, when I was coming back from the Khabarovsk home - I lived in Ilinka, five minutes’ drive from Khabarovsk - suddenly it seemed to me that a girl very similar to Tanya was walking quickly down the sidewalk with her head down and shoulders bent. I thought I was mistaken since it was late in the evening and the children at the orphanage usually were resting at this time before going to bed.
I came home and the first question Vicky asked me was, “I don’t know where Tanya is, there was a call from the children's home and they are worried, she has not been there all day.” I saw again a child's figure with bent shoulders and head going who knows where in a strange city, and swore to myself for not stopping. But I also thought it could not really be Tanya. We have a song in which a baby wooly mammoth searches for its mother:
On the indigo sea, to the green land
I sail in my own white ship.
In my own white ship,
In my own white ship.
Neither waves nor wind frighten me -
I sail to the only mama in the world.
I sail through waves and wind
To the only mama in the world.
I sail through waves and wind
To the only mama in the world.
I wish to reach the land sooner,
"I’m here, I have arrived!",
I shall cry to her.
To my own mama I shall cry,
To my own mama I shall cry...
Let mama hear,
Let mama come,
Let mama find me without fail!
Oh, this does not happen in the world, That children get lost.
Oh, this does not happen in the world,
That children get lost. | 
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When I hear this song I always see before my eyes a picture of a round-shouldered, small Tanya, a figure going through the city at evening to search for mama and home..... To search who knows where and how....
Tanya returned to the children's home late that night teary and tired. Later she told me that she went to look for mama and found the house which she remembered, but the aunt who opened the door told her, “Your mama is not here, and go back to the Children's 
Home.” My God, we cried together and I tried to explain to her, searching for the right words, that it is very dangerous for a little girl to wander in an unfamiliar city at night. I knew from the caregiver that her mom had abandoned her at another person’s house in order to go drink vodka and had not returned for her, had simply forgotten about the child. Tanya had run away to search already several times. How infinitely sadly to hear this... I did not know how to tell, how to explain to the girl everything that had happened to her, how to find the necessary words, and whether it was necessary to do it? I sincerely repeated to Tanya that I LOVED her, and that she was both good and clever, and beautiful and that I needed her. Little Tanya calmed down somewhat. And we agreed that she would come to me and never again run away from the children's home, and would call me mama. My house was five minutes walk from her orphanage. So we became friends, and grew fond of each other. After our conversation in Tanya’s eyes little stars of pleasure danced, sparks of hope, happiness, love and gratitude. Just for the sake of these children's eyes it is worth living, to help and love these children!
Tanya has a health problem. Three years ago she had wounded her right eye with a splinter of glass and cut off some tissue. Now she can hardly see wit
h that eye; she has only 3 % vision in it, and it is covered by a white film. I brought Tanya many times to a special eye hospital for testing in hope of an operation to help her. After all the tests the doctor told us that without a complex and expensive operation the eye would never see. The doctor said it was possible to restore vision, but the operation must be done after she is 18 years old, and it would involve a transplant of tissue from another person. It would be very expensive. As we were upset we cried together with Tanya as two children. Having gathered our courage we came to a decision; to maintain the eye (the doctor has prescribed a medicine which cleans the film), to treat it, and to protect the second by doing special exercises. At present, she still has little vision in her right eye.
... The years passed, Tanya grew up, she was transferred to another children's home located in another village and I again legalized all the necessary papers so that she could come to me as to her own home on days off and vacation. I married and later left, but 
Tanya continued to visit my mother and grew up in my family and, with my daughter Vicky, was also my daughter. My husband and I thought about it and decided to adopt her. In one of our trips to Russia after a conversation with the director, a not so benevolent woman, we found out that we could not adopt Tanya since she had parents and according to her documents was not an orphan. For a child to be adopted, it is necessary to establish their legal status as an orphan. The director promised to start legalizing the necessary papers for court, since only a court could give Tanya the status of an orphan. I waited for long three years, each time asking the director when I shall have the documents, and only when the director had left did I learn that this wom
an had done NOTHING for us. She simply did nothing... she had not submitted any document needed for court. And little Tanya had reached 16 years old, and under Russian law it is impossible to adopt a child of 16 years or older.
But today my soul is quiet for Tanya because a kind example of good family, love and care have helped her to grow into a wonderful girl. I talk with her often by phone, and she is part of my family emotionally even though not legally. Now she will study at vocational college to be a worker in a personnel department. For a girl in Russia, this is very good. On September 19th Tanya will be 18 years old...